One of my goals in life is to be a good person. In fact, above all my other endeavors, this is the one I think about most often. I want to be a good person more than anything in the world.
I don't always succeed at being good, but I like to think I try pretty darn hard.
I'm a loving daughter. I respect my parents and visit them at their home in the Sunshine State as often as I can (especially when one of them is recovering from a nasty accident - love ya dad!).
I say 'please' and 'thank you.' Even to strangers. And my husband.
I work hard. I hold myself accountable at my everyday job so other people don't have to.
I call my out-of-town besties often and I plan regular get-together's with my local gal pals, too.
But sometimes (more than I'd like to admit) I fail miserably at achieving 'goodness.'
I swear. A lot.
I'm quicker to speak than I am to think.
I don't answer emails in a timely manner.
I get frustrated by slow talkers and interrupt them.
I belch. Out loud. Sometimes I do this in public.
I speed. And if you drive slow in the left lane on the interstate and I have to pass you on the right, chances are I will salute you. Not in a nice way, either.
I (usually) think I'm right. And presume others (yes, you) are wrong.
The world I live in is black and white. Filled with what's right and what's wrong. Lawful and unlawful. I believe that everyone makes choices. You choose to be good or you choose to be evil.
Perhaps, this view, too, makes me not as good as I'd like to be.
I often find myself wondering if I'm truly good. Am I doing enough to be the person I want to be?
Most pressing on my mind as the 'Baby Jones' continues to rule my life, is what will my future children think of me? Will they notice the things I take pride in? Will they recognize my faults? Will they think I'm good?
Maybe they won't notice my pluses and minuses straight away, but at some point they will be all too aware of them. I believe that when you have nuggets, you are not only accountable for your behavior, but also (to a certain point) theirs.
You help them understand right and wrong. Lawfulness versus lawlessness. Good from evil.
I just want to be good. And I want them to be good, too.
No pressure, right?
I worry about this same thing A LOT especially when it comes to by lil Lucy. Since her dad and I aren't together, I'm always wondering what/how I'm teaching her about being part of a "family". Am I successful at keeping appearances up between her dad and I or does she know/feel more than I think? A few weeks ago she asked "when you were a little girl, did you live with your mommy and daddy or just your mommy?" Yikes! She's only 2 1/2!!
ReplyDeleteI guess we all just have to hope that we teach our "nuggets" the good and bad all while trying NOT to mess them up for LIFE. You're right....no pressure.
These thoughts are exactly the ones that keep me up at night sometimes... and so I try to avoid thinking them as much as I can! ;)
ReplyDeleteNo pressure, at all...
To Kris:
ReplyDeleteMy parents got divorced when I was in second grade. However, I always felt like more of a "family" than some of my friends with married parents. My parents almost always made a point to do the following, and these are the things that I think made me feel like we were/are still a family.
I realize some of these were hard for them to do... but it made a big difference. We all will always care about eachother and for eachother in one way or another.
Anyway... the things my parents did:
****** attend special events (dance shows, sporting events, etc.) together. I mean sit next to eachother so when I look up for my parents, there they are *****
- invite the other parent to a holiday if they would have been alone instead. (How do you enjoy Christmas when you know Dad is all alone?)
- support the other parent in decisions (punishments, rewards, etc.)
- encouraged us to talk about the other parent or things we did that weekend with him/her
- I had at least one pic of my dad and us kids in my room as a kid (we lived with my mom and went to dads a few days a week)
- Simply verbally reminded us that the five of us (mom, dad, three kids) will always be our core family, no matter what.
As an adult my Dad even said something like this to me once, when my mom needed help: 'I've had hard times getting along with your mom, but I took a vow to take care of her until the end, and I will do that as much as I can.' What a lesson in love (even broken love) that was.
Whew, sorry I went crazy on your blog Tricia! I just really feel passionately about what my parents did/do and love to share it!
-Sarah