Monday, November 9, 2009

The Rebel In Me

A few weeks ago, I did something I shouldn't have. Since that day, I've been spiraling downward into the bizarre baby-making world.

One morning, I started searching the World Wide Web Highway for other people like me: Baby-Jonesing gals who think it's (maybe?) time to start a family. What I found scared the crap out of me.

Cyberspace is FILLED with any-something women trying to have kids. And it seems none of them, like me, are having any luck.

Discovering that hundreds, if not thousands, of women are in the same baby-limbo as I am should bring me comfort. 'Now I have people to talk with who won't think I'm: A) off my rocker, B) annoying as a wax job starting to grow back, C) a whiny attention whore,' I remember thinking excitedly that fateful morning.

But frankly, finding all my new 'friends' on the Internet(s) sucks; it’s more depressing than I'd like to admit. There are just so darn many of them. It makes me feel hopeless.

Worse than that, not only are all of these women NOT pregnant, they're freaks!

They speak in alien tongue. Think I'm joking? See if you can decipher this sentence:

“i hope i get my BFP tomorrow but it is still early. i am 9 DPO today so tomorrow will be 10 DPO but i should get my AF by saturday or sunday so i am hoping it doesnt come!!! i hope all you ladies have GL with the BFP's this month.”


Where’s the good old-fashioned, full-word girl talk? The Babymoon talk? The FutureNugget Name talk? To me… everything in that sentence is so… clinical. I can’t relate. Even though there is joy in it (she’s talking about hoping to get a positive pregnancy test reading before her period is due because she ovulated several days ago. Yeah, I’ll admit it, I’ve figured out the lingo.) the acronyms sound like a bad episode of Military Medical Mysteries. There’s a reason that show never got picked up.

My intention is not to anger, insult, or aggravate any of the women who frequent these sites or parlez in this foreign language. In fact, I think it’s quite brave that they are so open about their journey into Mommyhood. And, I find it comforting to know that women who’ve only ‘met’ virtually turn to each other for support.

My beef is that I don’t want to become one of them. Perhaps this is the rebel in me, but I don’t want to be consumed by trying to create a nugget. I don’t want to have to count my DPO (days past ovulation). Or take my BBT (basal body temperature). Or measure for EWCM (egg white cervical mucus indicating your most fertile time).

Honestly, I don’t want to work at it. I just want it to happen. I just want to enjoy this time in my life where me and SuperFutureDad dream about our nugget. Where we wish for what could be.

Perhaps this is faulty logic and I’ll never get that little baby I’ve been hoping for.

But if that happens, I can always turn to the nearest TTC group, right? And I can tell all the ladies there about the next time I POAS.


  1. OH Honey! I know - those sites can make you crazy!!! I think sometimes you have to just walk away from the internet... Maybe I shouldn't talk because, yes - getting pregnant was easy for us, but if I may, just hang in there, try not to let these sites get to you too much, and like I said - just walk away if they do! Go get it on with SuperFutureDad! ;)

  2. Oh Trish!! You should not feel that way. Here's how it is. The internet is a wonderful but crazy world. It is very useful but at the same time can cheapen what should be a magical time of your life. What do I mean? Well, having a baby is "suppose" to be a natural experience that words can't quite describe. Then you have a hard time getting pregnant. You go to the doctor-who tells you try this, try that. Sex becomes mechanical and not so romantic. But you do what you are told because you have the bigger picture in mind. You still don't get pregnant, and your girlfriends with kids are sympethetic, but don't quite understand what you are going through. So what do you do? You turn to the internet for information and to find women you can relate to. You find the information and women who are having a similiar experience. The problem is--well, they have what I would call internet speak. It dumps down the language. And although that's not the intent of savy internet users, internet speak takes away the element of the real raw emotion that women (and all people go through) when they are trying deal with something important in their lives. (Let's not forget, some people are addicted to the internet--but that's a whole other blog) In this case, it's having a baby. Add that to the mechanical sex life, and it's natural to feel the way you do. Don't worry, you are too smart to become sucked up into that world. I had a girlfriend that could get pregnant, but would miscarry at about 12 weeks. This happened 4 times in a year and a half. She saw specialist after specialist. The best answer the doctors could come up with was that her husband had an unusual number of defective sperm. The solution? Use the freshest sperm possible. My girlfriend has a wonderful sense of humor and this is what she told me--"Not only do I need to keep an ovulation calander, I need to keep a masterbation calander." But guess what--she has two beautiful children. Keep your chin up. Danette

  3. Thanks for explaining some of those abbreviations.... I confess a few of them had me lost :-)

  4. I understand where you're coming from, Tricia. I recommend a visit to your OB if you've been trying awhile. We TTC (there goes the online speak) for nearly two years with each of our boys. With the second, it was simply my thyroid levels out of whack. As soon as they were controlled with medication, I got pregnant. I know it's not simple for everyone, but you should definitely eliminate the straight-forward stuff.